Your Life's not Falling Apart, It's Falling into Place...

So many times lately I have thought or said, “THIS is what my next blog entry is going to be about!”  Now I feel so bottlenecked I don’t know which/what to write about so many feelings are working their way out while my head is filled with to-do lists and “don’t forget” lists.  I thought I would just start writing and see what comes out. 

I can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks since I have stopped reporting to work and we are still here.   I had planned or at least hoped we would have left this past week but life is life.  We still are finishing things inside the RV and the loss of Evander has taken a bit of wind from our sails.  Getting things loaded up and put into storage are our main projects now and with items in 2 houses and 2 garages, it’s been difficult.    Herding up 3 dogs and 2 cats while doing so, just makes it more interesting.  Right now one of the cats has hidden in the ductwork of the house and will NOT come out.  We have also had to work on the smaller car that we will be storing soon.  We did take the RV out and dumped it, flushed the water system and refilled our water supply. 

The other night I was spending the night at the little house with the cats while Adam and the RV and dogs were at the big house.  I got up after only sleeping a few hours and my head was pounding.  I loaded up the car with the household items that needed to be packed and headed back to the big house.  The vet had called to let us know that Evander’s ashes were back.  Then I was then informed that for the next few days we were in for nasty cold, wet and worse windy weather.   I lost it.  The tears that didn’t come when my nieces and nephew moved away a couple months ago along with the tears that didn’t come when I worked my last day at the office and everything I had held in when I had to say goodbye to Evander were all coming flooding out at once.  Peppered in the tears was hysterical laughing at my husband’s frustrations with how he had been posting on his vlog for WEEKS how we were about to be leaving soon and here we were, still in the driveway. 

I left to drive and do some errands and turned on the Christian radio station.  Casting Crown’s “Be Held” came on.  I am normally a fan of Southern Gospel (think Lauren Talley, TaRanda Greene, etc.) but have found that since the local Christian radio station went more modern, that often the songs I like are from Casting Crowns and this song is one of their best in my opinion.  I have posted the lyrics below along with a link to their video.  It was a matter of hearing the exact right message at the exact right time and I completely lost it and started bawling. 

I started talking to Adam about all of this and he also stated his frustration in how he is feeling so much pressure to get going and how he feels rushed and there is still so much to do.  We decided then to let go and let God and keep on plugging.  There is some reason while we are still in town and God’s plan is much better than ours so we will just stop holding on and just Be Held. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ

Just Be Held

By Casting Crowns

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
(Stop holding on and just be held)
Just be held, just be held
Just be held, just be held

Songwriters: HALL, JOHN MARK / WEST, MATTHEW / HERMS, BERNIE

© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

For non-commercial use only.

Data from: LyricFind