All I am saying, is give peace a chance....

                                   “I’m out of control.”  “I’m losing control.”  “I have no self-control.” 

Surprisingly, we hear and use the statement above quite often.  After looking into the dictionary to see exactly what the word “control” meant, I was surprised to see such strong language.  When you read it, it almost makes you think that something that is controlled must be, because it has no ability to control itself.   How many times do you wish you had more control over a situation, or person?  Isn’t that insulting? I mean how would you feel after reading the definition (below), if you knew someone was trying to control you?  It’s something I have been thinking about as I go through this journey.  Webster defines the word control as below:

:to direct the behavior of (a person or animal) : to cause ( a person or animal) to do what you want
:to have power over (something)
:to direct the actions or functions of (something) : to cause (something) to act or function in a certain way
 

Did I purchase all of those unneeded items because I truly lacked the control NOT to?  Once I made the decision to rid myself of most of it, did it now mean I am IN control?  What happens if I lose control again?  How did I ever find the control that apparently I lacked in the beginning and how do I keep from losing it again?  It’s maddening.  I think more than striving for “control”, instead I will try to strive for peace.  That in itself is a WHOLE ‘nother thing.  Obtaining control normally involves giving up what you WANT or doing something you do NOT want (think no more candy bars and more exercising).  Isn’t that what we think of when we think of being “in control”?  I am in no way slamming healthy eating or promoting a diet filled with candy.  The problem, for me at least, is that once I feel like I am depriving myself of something or “making” myself do something I revolt.  I become a stubborn 2 year old.  As soon as I pack a healthy lunch, even if it’s something I really enjoy, come lunchtime I want ANYTHING but what I packed.  That is no way to live; at war with oneself.

Ok so if I tell myself, I am striving for peace; that includes not living in chaos.  You cannot have chaos and peace, peaceful chaos if you will.  At least I cannot.  When I think of when I am at my most peaceful, it’s usually in nature or with my pets or laying in a swimming pool floating.  Remaining in peace is my new “control”.  I believe the more peace I can get into my life, the less chaos, the less messy and cluttered, and hopefully my new tiny existence will play right into that way of being.