So here we are New Year’s Eve 2016. I have been trying to come up with something
wonderful and insightful to write about but alas it all escapes me. So instead I will write about what has been
going on and what I have been seeing and maybe somehow it will all come
together.
So today ended my month of reclaiming my
summer. I had stated from the start that
once we got down here I wanted a full month to just kick back and relax and
take back some of the time I had lost while moving twice, packing and mostly
from the stress of downsizing everything I owned. We just moved today to a spot in the Ocala
Forest and it has a nice little beach.
However, this warmer than usual weather is supposed to leave us after
today so while I may be able to enjoy the view, I will not be doing much in the
way of swimming, etc. Honestly, I
welcome the cooler weather. If I don’t
have somewhere to swim, 79 and muggy is not welcome. Also the dogs will enjoy it more and the cats
will come snuggle me in the bed.
I watched a really good sermon that someone
had posted on Youtube and a relative had posted a link. I will try to put the link to it down below
but it had to deal with will power and us trying to improve our selves and then
failing and feeling really crappy about ourselves. Then I look at my podcasts and Joyce Meyer is
talking about Self-Pity. Again I will
post the link if possible below. Then I
saw another post on Facebook (ok look I get it, my social life is pretty small
but stick with me,) that had to do with taking control over changes you would
like to see in your life instead of sitting and whining about them, blaming
someone else or expecting someone else to “fix you”. So…I took the hint and decided this is what I
need to be posting about for New Year’s.
I like most people, view January 1st
kind of like the first day of school; a new chance to do things better or at
least differently than in the past.
There are so many things I would like to improve about or within
myself. The question becomes, am I
willing to do what it takes to change them.
I know I am capable of change from my accomplishments in the last few
months. The question becomes how do I go
about making the other changes I would like to see happen?
I have a friend who has an amazing ability
to make herself do things she doesn’t want to do. I, on the other hand, am a baby and want my
way. I somehow feel deserving of that
extra scoop of ice cream and start to feel sorry for myself if I pack a healthy
lunch and then everyone else is ordering pizza, etc. I know I need to work out. I have
bought books, tapes, exercise equipment, cute workout clothes, you name
it! Then when it comes time to, actually
do it, I am like eh :P Why? Why am I like this? Why can’t I look ahead and say WOW, I am
going to hate this for a moment then like it and feel FANTASTIC afterwards AND
then also look better? Why am I so short
sighted? Same thing with food. I know if I eat the junk I want, it will
taste good for a moment then I will feel crappy later and then I will look
crappy later. So why do we continue to
do things that we KNOW are not good for us?
Now I know many of you are in the same boat
as me as I have YET to meet a woman who is like, “yeah I got it going on, I
love the way I look and do everything perfectly.” However, there are also non-physical things
that make me crazy about myself. For
instance, I just went through MONTHS of paring down everything I own and when I
do have to go to the store for groceries or necessary items, I STILL FIND
MYSELF looking at the SAME ITEMS I JUST GOT RID OF! I literally just caught myself watching an
infomercial for an item I HAD BOUGHT, HAD FOR MONTHS, NEVER USED and gave to my
bff. Like I was really pondering
ordering ANOTHER!???? And I have a
horrible temper and really am not very good socially. Now before you go, OH NO you are so friendly
and funny and blah blah blah, please note.
You do not know me that well. Yes
you may see me for hours at an event or at work, etc. but until you spend some
REAL time with you, you don’t get the full spectrum of my horribleness. I am cranky and whiny and a big friggin baby
and I recognize it and still don’t have a CLUE how to fix it. I worry too much and honestly with all the
time I am spending alone I am realizing I don’t really care for myself. I can come off as a know-it-all bossy blow
hard and I can be really obnoxious.
Other times I can be very antisocial.
I am sure I need some type of medication but until then, how do I just
get over myself?
I wish I had a closing paragraph full of
insight and wonderful tips and encouraging words; however I do not. Instead, I will invite you to check out the
links I am supplying and have recently enjoyed and invite you to share any tips
you may have with me. I am a firm
believer that everyone has the same amount of good stuff. By that I mean, no one is perfect. We all have things we are good at and areas
where we lack. I just need to embrace my
good stuff until I can tame some of my bad stuff. I will
continue to pray and ask God for His help in making me a better version of
myself and try really hard not to hate myself in the interim.
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